Day 30

‘twas another 5am wake-up today which didn’t go down too well because I’m still not feeling great. However, I swear that the steroids the doctor prescribed to bring down the throat/tonsil swelling gave me energy so the day was saved. I always think back to the days where cold and flu tablets had Pseudoephedrine in them and far out they were good. You could be dying in bed, pop one of those and live your normal life again. I wish I stocked up before they stopped having them behind the counter. Damn. No point even having cold and flu tablet now, they suck.

The kids and I had such a beautiful day together today. Some times are stressful of course, like trying to get out the door, but when it’s play time we just have so much fun. We had a little dance party before bed and they were just loving it. I love seeing them happy. I really struggle when they are hurt or upset, I literally feel broken. I don’t know if that’s normal? When they cry I get so on edge, it’s really triggering.

I always wonder if my stress levels / heightened-ness are going to give the kids long term issues. Like, will they be anxious adults because I was stressed sometimes when they were little? I know I’m trying my best to be the best Mum I can be but I do get scared sometimes that I’m going to mess them up somehow. I really hope I don’t. I just don’t know how to juggle everything in a calm way, there is so much to do in such little time it actually seems impossible.

It got to the afternoon and I was so happy to see Nick through the door because the effects of the steroids had definitely worn off and I was on struggle street. Edi-Rae didn’t sleep well today so the both of us were wrecked by 4pm. Paddy on the other hand slept too much so didn’t want to go to bed .

As I’m writing this I just got a notification that my fertile window starts in 3 days so please excuse me while I padlock my underwear and build a fort between Nick and I.