I just realised I missed writing last night. I’m trying to think back to why I missed writing and it took me so long to remember 1 single thing about yesterday. After 20 mins of thinking I remembered that I worked late editing so I must have been too caught up in that and completely forgot. I have been having to work late these days. It’s my only time. I have help with the kids 3 days a week and in that time I have to get my work done, do everything in terms of household stuff (cleaning/groceries, washing etc), do all the kids extra things for the week, and make time for myself. It’s not enough time so I have started to stay up late to get stuff done.
One thing I have been doing once a week on a Wednesday is drum lessons and I have been absolutely loving it. It’s been so good to use my brain in a different way and work towards learning a song to record in the studio. It has bought me so much joy and I can automatically see a change in my mood every Wednesday because of it. I wake up excited and then in the evenings I am so much more energised with the kids. This is a big reminder why filling your cup is so important, because everyone benefits.
My tonsil is still so sore. This is the 3rd day on antibiotics and steroids so not sure why it isn’t gone yet. Its been so exhausting and I just feel like I need to rest but that’s not a possibility. I feel like even if I had a chance to rest anyway I would struggle because I have such a big to do list that would be the only thing on my mind.
Edi-Rae and I went to a little celebration today. It was nice to leave the house but at the same time it also reminded me why I don’t leave the house- because there is no time to do the house stuff. I got home to the breakfast mess still out at 4pm and a toddler abusing me for dinner in the kitchen which hasn’t even started being prepped. Just not ideal. But then never leaving the house is also not ideal. I am starting to wonder… is this word “balance” a myth? Is balance possible for a woman who works, has full responsibility of the children and a home to maintain? If I focus on work the kids and house suffer and then if I focus on the kids and house my work suffers and I need to catch up again. I honestly don’t think it is possible.