I was still struggling a lot today with this feeling of overwhelm. It’s like there is a list going through my brain and I can’t make sense of it all. There is just so much to think about right now, the mental load of being a Mum is nuts let alone throwing work in to it. I started writing down every thought that came to mind which was really insightful to the way I’m feeling. It’s madness! I thought it would be a good thing to include in this entry because it really shows how much we have on our plates. This list was written from 4:30am until around 3pm and this wasn’t even everything that came to my mind.
I know I’m heightened right now because I’m running out of days before my surgery but still on a good day the mental load is still so real. Edi-Rae crying and coughing at 4:30. She feels warm. Is it a temp? Why is she wearing her 1 tog bag when it was so hot last night? Nick put her to bed, I thought he would know what tog to put on her. Next time before I leave for Pilates I’ll need to make sure I have everything in her room ready. The door is closed right now, I hope I can hear paddy if he wakes. Should I drive or walk to daycare this morning? If she was up at 4:30 it means about an 8/8:30 bed time. Will I have time to walk? I don’t think so. I better drive so I can get her straight down. I’m so tired I think I need to nap when she does. Oh I forgot I have content I need to film today and we have to leave here at 9:30 for an appointment. Maybe I can nap when she goes down in the afternoon. I wonder when Nick will be home. I wonder if it will be early enough to cook the chicken on the bbq. I must text him. I need to empty the dishwasher. I really should call the sleep specialist. It will be a nightmare having paddy in our bed when I’m recovering from surgery. There probably isn’t even time to sleep train him anyway. Maybe I just put the big bed in his room? I really need to buy the filter for our coffee machine before it shits itself. Oh whoops really need to put a load of washing on. I better do that now because the machine keeps playing up. I actually really need it serviced. I should get on to that. I actually need to do a load of towels too. I forgot to get my parcel from the post office yesterday when I dropped the orders off. I better go today after nails. I need to remember to pack the orders to take with me while I’m there. Better do that now while the kids eat breakfast. But I’m also hungry. Should I eat or do the orders? Actually I need to go to the toilet and get dressed. I think I should do that first. Really need to put the cot, change table and rocking chair on marketplace. I actually need to clear out the garage too and put all the toilet paper and paper towel away that’s in there. Actually I need to fit them in to the linen closet but that’s jam packed so in need to sort that out too so I can fit them in. The car has food through it, I really need to book it in for a clean before my surgery. I wonder when I could do that. Maybe today? Should we go from nails to Robina to get the car washed and then to Mudgeeraba? Or nails to mudgeeraba then to Robina to get the car washed? Edi-Rae will be due a nap at 1:30 so I would have to book the car in by 12… booked it in for 11:30 so will have to do Mudgeeraba after Edi-Rae’s nap. I’ll have to get Nick to get paddy. I really need to film this content but also put the cot on marketplace. Better do the kitchen first. Should I prep dinner now so I can nap later? I forgot to upload this video to Dropbox and email the link I better do that now. Shit I need to text Chloe. Better check the washing machine to make sure it’s working. Really stressed about not being able to look after the kids while I recover. How do I explain the togs to Nick again without offending him. Better put my receipts in to DEXT before I forget. Need to remember to pickup order from tiny trader while at Robina as well as check to see if they have paddy’s sandles he loves at big w. Also need to check strand bags for suitcase for Edi. Edi-Rae needs comfortable shoes, all her other shoes are too big. I’ve looked everywhere but her chubby little foot won’t fit in any her actual size so I don’t know where else to look. Really need to email that reel. I need to make sure I have bought for everyone for Xmas while the sales are on. Should I do a sale on the book? I better sort that. I need to email little kickers about changing paddy’s class. Must call cobie back. Have to call baba. Need to get the rubbish from my car out before it stinks. Diarise when rent is due so I don’t forget again. Need to get Edi-Rae’s teacher a present for her to take next week. Shit, Edi only slept half an hour. Is it too hot in the rooms? Should I look at a portable aircon? I didn’t get even half the chores done during her nap time. I just need to get the salad made and sides prepped before we go to the post office. I’ll have to hang the washing out when the kids go to bed. Stupid machine still isn’t draining I really need it to get looked at. What else do I need from the shops while I’m there? Do we need more fruit and yoghurt? Is Edi having too much yogurt? What about dinner for tomorrow night? I really need to look in to costumes for our Fiji party. Is it normal to be this exhausted? Should I get my bloods done?? Is this the tonsillitis making me feel like this? Got an email to get edi vaxxed, must call to check what vax and book appointment. I need to pay bass and finish invoices. Need to explain swimming instructions to Abby for next week. Probably have to actually write a huge list of instructions for the recovery time. Forgot to call Cobie.