Day 52
Share
I woke up feeling so overwhelmed and exhausted. My anxiety is through the roof. I really need to book in with my psychologist but I won’t have time before my surgery so I’m trying to just get through this as best as I can. I had my Friday meeting with my assistant Chloe this morning and when she arrived I was so flustered. I knew I had so much to go through with her but my brain wasn’t working and all I could think about was laying down, closing my eyes and breathing. I almost felt that there wasn’t enough oxygen left in my body. I felt out of breath, tight in the chest and light headed. What on earth has been going on with me. I’ve been so good mentally until this week. I feel like it definitely does have to do with my mental load and knowing that on Tuesday I need to rest for 2 weeks. The idea of resting and not being in control of the parenting and the house and not being able to work sends my brain in to a frenzy. When Chloe was here we tied up the loose ends and we made a plan for the next 2 weeks for all of my book stuff so I did feel the anxiety settle a bit once she left and we had a plan in place. Nick left for a weekend away today. Is it weird that it’s been easier to parent and keep the house nice with him not here? How does that even work? I’m trying to figure it out and I am so confused. Is he contributing to the mess? Have I been picking up after 3 people this whole time? One would think that an extra pair of hands would take the pressure off me a bit but even with him here I don’t stop, the same as if I’m here by myself. I really hope he enjoys this weekend away because the next two weeks for him are going to be so busy.