Day 83
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I am so sick. It’s meant to be both of our first days back at work but I feel so lethargic, nauseous and I can’t get off the toilet of keep food down. I’m starting to feel extremely deflated by this point. Every time I think we are in the clear and put out positive vibes, something else happens. Nick went to work in the morning and I had the kids which was so hard. They were actually so good thank god so that helped me a lot. I had to use the TV a lot which I felt so bad about but I didn’t know what else to do. They don’t get a lot of TV so they were happy and it was raining so we couldn’t get outside anyway but I still felt really guilty. I just keep remembering that I’m doing the best I can and that is all that matters. I was meant to drive Edi-Rae’s poo sample to the hospital but I was way too tired and lethargic to get in the car with the kids so I couldn’t. I asked Nick to when he got home but he said he didn’t want to go with the two kids so it just sat in the fridge and went to waste which also made me feel so guilty because she has been so sick and I wanted to make sure she was okay and it was nothing serious. I feel like everything turns to absolute shit in the house when I’m sick. I thought to book her another appointment but then I thought that I may as well just make an appointment for me because we have obviously had the same thing. I am starting to stress about money and the amount of work I will need to do when I get better, and I keep wondering if the kids will be okay for daycare on Wednesday so I can have a minute to myself to get on top of this place here and also take a minute to myself. Being sick and needing to parent is so hard.